The Bliss That Never Lasts
by yllektra
Summary: Cara mourns the loss of Leo.


**Title**: The Bliss that never Lasts

**Fandom**: Legend Of The Seeker Rating: PG Disclaimer: I don't own anything! :P Characters/Pairings: Cara/Leo - Cara pov (2nd person)  
**Spoilers/Warnings**: General fic - Spoiler for 2x09-2x10

**Summary**:Cara... Cara You could be anyone with this name, did you know?  
Cara doesn t mean Mord Sith. Cara doesn t mean cruel or insensitive.  
Cara means girl, the doll you never got enough of, the parental hug you were deprived of and the sister you never got to grow up with...  
**Word Count:** 1256 Author's Note: I love Cara's character. I find her fascinating. Tormented, complicated characters are just my soft spot, and she is no exception. Her storyline with Leo touched me no matter how brief it was. And this is what came out of it.  
_~ English is not my native language so excuse any crappiness and/or mistakes!_

**THE BLISS THAT NEVER LASTS {THE TOUCH THAT NEVER LINGERS}**

You can do it. Just breathe, you know how to breathe, Cara.  
Just do it. Breathe in, breathe out.  
No! Too fast. Too frantic.

Breathe in Hold Breathe out.  
Just focus. Look at an unspecified object far in the horizon.  
It doesn't have to be there. Nothing has to be there.

Make Zedd believe it doesn't matter.  
Just focus on breathing.  
You know how to breathe. You know how to wield a sword.  
But to mourn? That s something you don t know how to do.

Or is it what you are doing right now? Could this - whatever this is be mourning?  
Could it be sorrow? Grief?

_Does grief feel like your lungs are too small to keep any air inside for you to breathe?_  
_Does sorrow feel like hundreds of nails pressing against your skin?_

_Does sorrow feel like a river of tears welling up inside you, a sea ready to overcome the dam built to prevent it from overwhelming everything?_

_Does mourning feel like thousands of flies inside your head, buzzing and buzzing their horrible sound covering everything, making you feel confused and nauseous?_  
_Does mourning feel like wanting to chop your body and your heart into pieces?_

Because this is what you feel.  
This is how you feel and more.

And you wonder... Is it too soon?  
How could you have let this happen? You should have known better than to let yourself go.

Don t you know by now that life, this world, deal only misery and heartache?

Isn't that what you have always been taught ever since you were a little girl?  
Only the strong survive. Only the strong win.

And you are strong, Cara. At least you used to be.  
You were an asset to your kind. A valued Mord- Sith.

So when did this change, Cara?  
When did you start looking at the sky and seeing blue, instead of signs of the weather?  
When did you start looking at the ground and seeing flowers, instead of trails?

Since when do you find it necessary to make conversation, when silence is gold and discipline is rudimentary?

Oh my god!  
It was the smile, wasn't it? Leo's smile.  
A smile for you and you alone?

It was the sound of your name, coming out of someone else s lips, without the scorn or the disdain that accompanies it when one realizes you are a Mord-Sith, wasn't it?

Cara... Cara You could be anyone with this name, did you know?

Cara doesn't mean Mord Sith. Cara doesn't mean cruel or insensitive.  
Cara doesn't mean unfeeling.

It s just a name and when he says it, it is seduction... It is bliss

_Cara means girl, the doll you never got enough of, the parental hug you were deprived of and the sister you never got to grow up with._

_Cara means woman, the touch that never lingers, the kiss that never persists, and the affection you cannot hope for._

_Cara means the one who was taken, the one that could have been and the one who got lost._  
But he found you.

Leo found you, but it is more than that.

He is not just the one that found you when no one else was looking, when no one else had noticed you were gone.

Leo is the one that put everything into place.  
The one that made everything make sense.

He is the one that put a smile on your face, a song on your lips and light in your soul.  
He is the one who put warmth in your heart and love to your being.

You don t quite know when it happened.  
Was it gradual or was it abrupt?

You only know it was somewhere between chipmunks and sparring. Somewhere between banter and laughter.

What an odd duo.

Him the (temporary) Seeker and you the Mord Sith sworn to protect him. Or maybe it was the other way around. Maybe he was the one protecting you; he was the one sheltering you close and safe enough for you to open up.

To accept what you have been given (by him) and reciprocate.

And reciprocate you did.

And it was glorious and then hidden by the darkness you stole his kiss, like he stole your heart. You never knew how he found it, buried as it was.

_You touched his skin, like he touched your soul._

Intensely, fervently, as if you were the two last people on Earth, on Earth s final day.

If you are going to live, live with passion and without regret.  
Live with pride and dignity.  
Live with memories and pain.  
Isn't that the consequence of love, of life itself?

Somehow you think it is, even though you are not old enough to know for sure.

And now, here you are.  
Yo close your eyes and then you open them again, but nothing changes.

Nothing changes, not really, but for the split second your eyes are closed, you see Leo s face like it was.

His face is perfect and smiling and not dead and empty.

When you close your eyes there's no blood on his perfect body.  
He is robust and masculine and longing awakens within you again.

You want to keep your eyes closed.  
Keep them closed and start counting to one hundred, to one thousand, to ten thousand, as long as it takes for your vision to match the sight before your eyes.

But it doesn't work exactly like that.

_The Mord Sith in you recognizes the futility of this, but the woman in you refuses to accept it._  
_The Mord Sith in you is impatient to move on, but the woman in you refuses to let go._

_The woman in you lingers, hovers, haunts. She is a ghost next to Leo s body and she won't abandon him._  
_The woman in you weeps, the woman in you cries._  
_The woman in you aches and loves and curses the injustice of being awakened only to be asked to forget, to fall asleep again._

But the Mord Sith in you is calm, collected, reserved She contains, she restricts, she tames.  
There's no fire, no passion, no emotion and if there is any, there s only useful ones, useful for your purpose.

There's anger and bitterness. There's hate and resentment.

You recognize the loss and the unfairness, but you don t allow it to manifest, to drown.  
Some things are better kept inside.  
The Mord Sith in you wants to destroy and maim and cripple till everything around you is as black, as desolate and fragmented as your soul.

That is purpose, that is revenge. The Mord Sith way.

The Mord Sith in you wants to yell:  
_Damn you, Leo. You have turned me into a woman._

The woman in you wants to shout:  
_Thank you, Leo. You have taught me how to love and mourn_

And it baffles you to realize that you can t really decide which of the two has been the most important lesson.

Looking at his face one last time, helps you commit it to memory.

Nothing will ever erase it now. Not time, not pain, not a new desire.  
It's part of you now and forever and you will never forget it. Forget him.

_The smell of his hair, the feel of his skin, the sound of his voice, the light of his eyes._

_A woman in love never forgets._  
_A woman who loses never regrets or forgives._  
_And something tells you that neither does a Mord Sith._

_{Congratulations, young Mord Sith, you just became human again.}_

~ Fin~


End file.
